


No Such Thing as Pon Farr

by ami_ven



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: mcsheplets, M/M, Sex Pollen, except that they don't have sex, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 08:46:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13948002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ami_ven/pseuds/ami_ven
Summary: “Are you telling me we’ve been exposed toalien sex pollen!?”





	No Such Thing as Pon Farr

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LJ community "mcsheplets" prompt #275 "horny"

“Are you telling me we’ve been exposed to _alien sex pollen!?_ ” Rodney demanded.

Carson scowled through the window of the isolation room. “ _I said nothing of the sort. What I said was that exposure to a biological substance is causing increased libido and a lowering of inhibitions._ ”

“Sounds like alien sex pollen to me, doc,” said John, from the farther bed.

“ _Call it what you like, colonel, you’re already starting to see the effects._ ” Carson snorted as both men squirmed – their scrubs did nothing to hide certain current bodily reactions. “ _But, I do want to assure you that neither of you are in any danger._ ”

“Then why are we stuck in isolation?” asked Rodney.

“ _Simply a precaution,_ ” the doctor said, more sympathetically. “ _So far, all the tests show that you need to have ingested the substance for it to have any effect, but it’s best not to take chances, especially with things such as this. But the tests do show that it should metabolize completely – I’d say another twelve to fourteen hours and it’ll work itself out of your systems all on its own._ ”

“Twelve or fourteen hours of _this_?” Rodney protested.

Carson scowled again. “ _I’m fairly certain a man of your age knows how to take care of something like that._ ”

“Of course I do!” Rodney snapped. “I just prefer not to do it in the middle of the infirmary!”

“ _We’ve switched off all but the most basic monitoring devices,_ ” said Carson. “ _And the intercom will only work if it’s switched on from your side – though, if we don’t hear from you for more than two check-ins, someone_ will _be coming in._ ” 

“Oh, that’s—”

“Thanks, Carson,” interrupted John. “We just have to wait it out, then, huh?”

“ _Unfortunately, yes_ ,” the doctor said. “ _Given the unknown properties of the organic substance—_ ”

“Sex pollen,” Rodney muttered, and they both ignored him.

“ _—I don’t want to give you painkillers or sedatives, but I can in an emergency_.”

“And what constitutes an emergency?” asked Rodney. “How bad will it get?”

Carson paused, considering. “ _Aside from the obvious, um, physical difficulties, I expect you’ll experience slight fever, muscle pain, dizziness, perhaps headache or nausea, that sort of thing._ ”

“There won’t be…” Rodney began, then scowled over his shoulder at John. “We won’t _have_ to… you know, Pon Farr, or anything?”

“ _Just because you keep saying the colonel has pointy ears doesn’t make him a Vulcan, lad_ ,” said Carson, clearly exasperated. “ _Sex is a want, lad, not a need. You’ll be fine. Uncomfortable, I’m sure, but fine. Try and get some sleep. I’m turning off the intercom, a nurse will be here for your check-in an hour._ ”

There was a click, and Carson moved away from the small viewing window.

“Just great,” muttered Rodney, slumping back on his bed.

John was sitting cross-legged, attention already on his GameBoy – an airman had been by while they were waiting for the test results to deliver a variety of amusements, including Rodney’s laptop and John’s copy of _War and Peace_ to the isolation room.

“Could be worse,” the colonel said. “Aren’t you always saying you never have enough time for your own stuff? Think of this as a twelve-hour vacation.”

“Some vacation,” said Rodney, but he opened his laptop, set an alarm for their check-in and tried to ignore his very pressing problem.

It must have worked, because the next thing he knew, the alarm was going off.

“Sheppard.”

“Yeah,” said John. “Still alive.”

He made no move to get up, so Rodney scowled and hit the intercom. “We’re both okay,” he said, and turned it off again at the nurse’s too-cheerful reassurances.

The next four check-ins went the same way – Rodney actually checking in, John muttering something vaguely okay-sounding, only after he was prompted and never looking up from his book, since he’d switched from his video game after the second check-in

“All right, what is your problem?” Rodney demanded, after cutting off a different nurse for the fifth time. “If you’ve got new symptoms, we need to tell Carson.”

“No,” said John. He was sitting up against the headboard, bent knees supporting the spine of the novel, and he still didn’t look up. “It’s the same, it’s just… How about we just sit here quietly until this wears off, huh?”

Rodney frowned, and started to slide off his bed. “Sheppard, you really should—”

“Don’t!” John interrupted, and his hands were shaking. “Just don’t.”

“Sheppard?” said Rodney, but settled back onto the bed.

“I’m fine, Rodney. Go back to work.”

It was harder this time, to focus on his energy calibrations and ignore what was happening. After the sixth check-in, yet another nurse in biohazard gear brought them dinner – Rodney ate his quickly, a welcome distraction, but John’s tray sat, almost entirely untouched, at the foot of his bed. At the seventh, Rodney claimed his uneaten pudding – and by the eighth, he realized that John hadn’t turned any pages in over half an hour.

“Sheppard?” he tried again.

“I’m _fine_ ,” John snapped.

“You are clearly not fine,” said Rodney. “Not even for the way you normally use the word.”

“Carson said it would work itself out,” said John. “So we just have to get through the next…”

“Four and a half hours,” Rodney supplied.

“Right,” said John, but when he tried to turn the page, he was shaking so hard, it ripped.

“This is stupid.” Rodney got up, fumbling with his laptop on the rolling table between their beds. “We’re adults. You stay over there and I’ll stay over here, and we’ll just… take care of it, okay?”

“Rodney—” John began, but he’d already turned on the music, turning the volume as high as it would go.

It was classical music, the only thing Rodney kept on his work laptop, but it was better than nothing. It was a full orchestra piece, loud enough to drown out what Rodney was working very hard _not_ to imagine John was also doing in the other bed. Not that it seemed to matter what he imagined – Rodney was already halfway there before he started and it only took a few minutes to finish, winding up sprawled on the bed as the song ended.

As if on cue, the intercom beeped. Rodney swatted at the button. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, we’re fine. Sheppard?”

“Yeah,” said John, faintly.

“ _That’s good to hear, lad_.” It was Carson’s voice again, instead of the nurse. “ _Are the effects beginning to lessen any?_ ”

“We’ll get back to you next check-in,” said Rodney, and turned the intercom off again.

He must have fallen asleep, because he woke up to a loud thump, followed by a low groan.

“Sheppard?”

There was no answer. Rodney sat up, finally feeling that muscle pain Carson had mentioned, to see that the thump must have been John’s book falling to the floor – it had landed between their beds, pages crumpled.

“Sheppard?” he tried again.

John was curled on his side, facing the far wall. “ ‘M fine,” he said, more of a gasp than anything else. “Fine.”

“You are not,” said Rodney. He was a little unsteady on his feet, but made it to the other bed, bracing himself against the side. “John? Are you—”

He put his hand on John’s shoulder, only for the colonel to flinch away. “Don’t,” he said, but Rodney wasn’t sure if it was a command or a plea.

The scientist scowled. “If it’s really that bad, I’ll should tell Carson.”

“No, don’t,” John repeated. “It’s not… It didn’t help.”

“What?”

“Taking… taking care of it.” His voice faded in and out, breathing hard like he was in pain. “You seem… seem better, but I… if you…”

“If I what?” asked Rodney. “Sheppard, what can I do?”

John drew in a shuddering breath, then blurted, “You could help.”

“Help?” Rodney repeated blankly. “Oh. _Oh_.”

“I can’t… can’t do it alone, Rodney, and you’re the only one… I have to be strong for everybody else… but you…”

Rodney grabbed John’s shoulder again, not letting go this time. “I can’t,” he said, softly. “And you know why. Anything else you need, it’s yours, John, but this… You’re not in your right mind, you don’t know what you’re asking.”

“I do,” said John. “I do, and that’s the… the problem.”

“Of course you don’t,” said Rodney. He rested his free hand against John’s forehead, and scowled at how hot it felt. “You have no idea.”

“I shouldn’t be asking now,” John growled. “But you… you solve problems, you… always do. And I just… Fix it, Rodney, _please_.”

“I can’t,” Rodney repeated. “You’re going to be fine, Carson said so. But now I bet you’re wishing we’d stayed on the planet with the hot alien princess. _She’d_ have no trouble helping you.”

John shook his head. “Didn’t want her. Never… never want any of ‘em. ‘s always you.”

“No I _know_ the fever’s cooking your brain,” said Rodney.

“It’s not, it’s not,” said John. “I shouldn’t… Rodney, I shouldn’t have said…”

“Hey,” Rodney said, soothingly. “Look, how about I promise to pretend this never happened? When you’re back to normal and don’t remember this, or don’t _want_ to remember this, I won’t say a word.”

“Rodney…”

“I can do discrete, thank you very much.”

“And if…” John said. “If I do want… to remember?”

“You can bring it up when your brain’s back down to a low simmer,” said Rodney. “I’ve always had a thing for smart people. And if you’re not out of your mind, I might take you up on it.”

John snorted a laugh. “Yeah? Or… or…”

“Or what, Sheppard?” Rodney asked. There was no answer. “Sheppard?”

He shook the colonel’s shoulder, but John was unconscious.

“Carson!” Rodney realized the intercom was off and lurched back to his feet, flopping toward the wall to hit the button. “Carson, it’s John!”

It felt like forever, but must have only been a minute or two before Carson appeared, wearing a biohazard suit and heading for John’s bed. After a moment, he straightened. 

“Well?” Rodney demanded.

“He’s just passed out,” said Carson, gently. “He’s got a fever, but nothing dangerous. I’ll bring some cooling pads, but he’ll be fine, Rodney.”

The scientist slumped back against his own bed. “Not sure I will be,” he muttered, then waved away Carson’s concerned look. “No, I’m… just worry about Sheppard, okay?”

Carson gave him a curious look, but left without another word. After that, he came to check on them in person – John still unconscious, Rodney pretending to work on his laptop and pretending not to keep an eye on the sleeping colonel.

After twelve hours, and certain body parts going back to normal, Rodney was released, and he went back to his quarters for a long, hot shower. He managed some sleep, after a long time staring at his ceiling – only to be woken a few hours later by his door chime.

“Hey,” said John, softly. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all, but better than he had the last time Rodney had seen him. “Got a minute?”

Rodney stepped back to let him in. “Carson let you out?”

“Yeah. Ran every test he’s got, but…” John trailed off, then let out a long breath and began pacing Rodney’s room. “Look, I… I was pretty out of it, before. But—”

“I’m sure whatever you remember was just your imagination, colonel,” Rodney interrupted. “And I certainly won’t hold you to anything you might have said when your brain was turning to mush.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” said John. He stopped, smiling. “That’s because you’re a better man than I am. Not sure I could have resisted if you were the one offering.”

“I – Wait, what?”

“Carson promised everything was out of my system,” John said. “So, if I asked now, would you—?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Rodney said. “Whatever it is, yes.”

John laughed. “Okay,” he said, and pulled Rodney in for a long, fierce kiss.

THE END


End file.
